R.I.P Sammy!
(Our mid-week jam)… 
I’ve been thinking of shutting down this blog because increasingly, I’m finding that I don’t know what to write about any more.
That’s the thing… long time ago when I had my first less-publicised blog, I wrote because I was bored. I’d just moved here and it was my escape from this city and country… Years later, with this new blog, I’m finding that initially, it helped me because I was antsy and feeling caged in. I guess going on holiday at the end of May helped me release a lot of the tension and compression I’d been feeling and escaping partly through this blog.
Now, having come back from home and seeing that the life I have dreamed of for long is about to become a reality, my mind is focused more on my family, finally-materialising plans, the fruits of my labour in C. Africa etc. And maybe that’s why this feeling is creeping up on me.
One thing I do like about this blog is that it’s about me, about my insides, thoughts, beliefs, cricks, and cracks… It’s a great blessing that there’s people enjoy what I have to say, and that people value my truths, what’s dear to me…
I like the fact that when you comment here, your stories and words are so honest… and that you feel good enough or safe enough to know that I’m just a work in progress trying to sort out my own being and am not interested in ridiculing your views.
Of course, there’s some I’ve wondered about hehehe…
Especially those with odd obsessions or those who have had a hard time grasping that the relationship they ‘have’ with me (in their minds) doesn’t translate to reality. Or those who cross the line…
But anyway…., that’s neither here nor there…
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Today, I was thinking about how the world has changed since I was a kid, how much more ‘narrow’ living has become…
I’ve seen what the internet and technology have done to people, what television, politics, world events and especially the Hollywood/celebrity culture have done to human beings all over the planet…
People for the most part, are getting lost in the sauce…, are becoming part of the almighty machine… so many people are living like they’re inside a tv sitcom or a movie… our lives to a large extent are becoming replications of the fake scripted lives of the people we see on the screen or in magazines. So much isn’t real any more…
We’re actually living out our ‘lives’ online… experiencing our real or pretend lives through blogs or twitter, instead of actually being awake and not just stretching and twisting to be ‘cool…, interacting and grappling and learning about ourselves one on one without Big Brother Africa, trivia, soundbytes and all that other nonsense…, experiencing life in sand and sea, and open space and trees and human beings that don’t have the internet or a magazine or twitter or a ‘hidden’ camera on the wall or whatever…
I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but I’m beginning to wonder if there’s been some sort of energy shift in the world?
Why is it that we’re so caught up in the machine and aren’t deep anymore? Why has everything become so do or die?
Where are morals? Where is quiet? When did it become unfashionable to want less or to be able to go to a corner in the field and shut up? To find one’s nirvana and not have to blog about it?
When did we become ‘celebrities’ and why?
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I don’t know why I’m typing all this, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about on the slow…
I know that I talk a lot of being Black and an African.
And I know I’ve never fully explained what that means or why it’s so important to me.
It’s more than just where I was born, or about being part of a larger Black/African family…
Being Kaasa the African is about not becoming a humanoid like so many people I know. The humanoid with the latest computer or cell phone or clothes… the one that has the same ‘ideas’ and thought pattern as the guy in China or the lady in Manhattan or the dude in Lubumbashi…, all because they all watch the same shows on tv, ‘relate’ to the same celebrity’s experiences, have the same i-pod and t-shirt or gadget, share the same ‘oppression’, belong to the same ‘movement’, eat the same food, read the same book and occupy the same part of the grid and machine…
I guess what I’m saying is I’m trying to run away from that energy shift, and not get sucked into it like so much of the rest of the world and so many living in this time… especially my generation.
Which is probably why I’m feeling like the best thing that ever awoke in me was the idea that I have to find my little spot, far removed from the rest of the world, where things are slow, where I have a chance to live and not just exist and be a dump for all the internet and tv and movie and ipod crap that keeps coming and coming and coming and will never cease…
Next year when I’m out of here, I’m gonna go get everything in place in C. Africa, and then I’m going to just switch off stuff and chill.
Anyway, that’s how I’m feeling right now.
Have a good Wednesday.
i like the bit about people living as if they were in a sitcom. it’s so true especially for young people here in nairobi.
Nooooooo….the blog must go on…
I know you don’t need validation, but a lot of what you write mirror certain life choices I have made/think about making, and it’s always nice to hear how someone else is handling their business in an open, non-judgemental, albeit anonymous forum like a blog. Yours is a good blog (and believe me, I’m not one to sit in front of the computer combing through people’s web diaries, my life is quite full). However, if it’s not enjoyable for you to continue writing, and it’s turning into a chore, then a break would be good.
Perhaps your readers might help by suggesting interesting topics you might touch on? Personally, I enjoy hearing about your mundane day-to-day adventures at work and with your friend Thabiso. The other deeper posts are pretty much icing on the cake and definitely food for thought – and I’m sure it’s true for all the people that have responded so positively to your writing. I can’t wait to hear about your future adventures preparing to go to C. Africa – and about life there. But that’s just my 2cents.
Hi Ms Kaasa,
That I would miss your blog is a given and the ‘imagined relationship’
but I think I do understand your reasons as to why you would shut it down.
I have realised I read blogs a lot when I am living out of Kenya. I think I would not even have started a blog had I been at home. When at home all the time is spent with family and friends. At that point ‘blog updates’ or ‘blog relationships’ tend to become not so important. But I have to thank you and all the people whose blogs I enjoy. They are entertaining. And if I am not wrong people have met and dated online
even married?
Just double posted. Pole. Kindly delete one.
Hey Everyone!
Yeah, I’ve been feeling kinda weird since I came back… but it’s a good weird.
Life is progressing quite well otherwise and I do thank you for everything.
Ok Marla, I’ll post more on my ‘mundane’ life.
@kenyanreality,
Good grief. I always thought you were posting from Kenya. You’re right, when back home, the last thing on one’s mind is blogging or twittering or Gatorpeeping. It’s when we’re out here and caged in that we need the release.
And when I said ‘imagined relationships’, I was talking about the psychos… hehehe
@kijana,
Hi and welcome
Yeah, but it’s not just Kenya (though the sitcom living is super-chronic there).
Nigeria, Uganda, Tanzania, Zimbabwe, South Africa etc… I find it mostly in countries that are Anglophone African and were colonized by the Brits that people behave and are this way (clueless and annoying). Other than maybe Ghana – to a certain extent.
Francophone African countries for the most part, are a breath of fresh air. As are some Lusophone ones, though in them, there’s a super inferiority-complex held by too much of the populace.
Anyway, I’m at work and meeting Thabiso for lunch in a few hours. Let me pretend to be doing some work here… Mr. Belgium went out to get us some coffee and I doubt I’ll see him for at least 45 minutes. He can’t work and neither can I.
Have a good day all.
Hey K.
You had a blog before this? Please let the blog stay. And as I said, this is the blog of the year for me. It is a one stop shop for so many things.
Whereas joining these social networks like twitter and facebook may seem like getting into “the almighty machine.” It is in a way getting out of the machine. For instance, before blogs, editors were the final word on what was good enough to be published and even then changed the story to fit their mindsets. Published books needed t fit the definition of the machine. In blogs, thoughts are let loose… “this blog is that it’s about me, about my insides, thoughts, beliefs, cricks, and cracks… It’s a great blessing that there’s people enjoy what I have to say, and that people value my truths, what’s dear to me…” Now publishers are leaving the machine to look for these thoughts that escaped through blogs because in today’s world, that is what people want to read. There is a more personal connection in these blogs.
But the thing though is that here are those who are slaves to the new machine and those who have choice. At the end o the day, those who cannot grow inwards feel they need to be updating their status every few seconds to remain relevant but those who understand who they are and do not need the validation of virtual ‘friends’ can simply close shop and leave to go to their quiet place. At the end of the day, it is about that choice.
Great post as always. Keep em coming.
Peace and Love
@Marvin,
This is very funny:
“At the end o the day, those who cannot grow inwards feel they need to be updating their status every few seconds to remain relevant…”
Hehehehehe………
But I totally agree on the importance of social networking sites.
@Marvin,
Yes, I did have a blog before this one though I wrote mostly in French and sometimes in English but that was way back. I even had a serious stalker on that blog.
Before joining WordPress, I’d briefly tried Blogger but didn’t like the set-up there. So I moved it here.
You know I’m glad you like my blog as I like yours so much. It’s just that I’ve been feeling ‘blank’. I’m mentally in a wind-down mode… winding down for my relocation next year and just tired of a lot of the internet ‘noise’ and chatter…
@KG
Hehehehe. How honest of you
Well you know what they say about addiction, the first step on the road to recovery is acceptance of the situation hehehe
“Hi, my name is KG and I’m an alco….” hehehehehe
Yes, it is amazing how we can get sucked into all of it without even realizing that it’s happening. First it was the VCR, the Cable, then the DVD, HD, Plasma, Ipod, I-phone, Vaio, MacBook Air, Tivo, Kindle…
I keep it real simple and use my extra cash to travel and see the world. Why see penguins in Alaska on a plasma screen when I can fly there and see them with my own eyes?
Why watch a documentary (again on HD) about the Bouar Megaliths in Cameroun when I can go there and touch them myself?
Funniest thing, my friend Thabiso has every high-tech electronic gadget imaginable but the last thing he’ll ever do is send me a text…
Who writes letters anymore, the old school way and puts a stamp on them and drops them in the mailbox at the post office?
We’ve lost so much and don’t get it…
But KG, I will pray for you
You take such lovely pictures, you should drop all that Kindle/Tivo stuff and go out and have fun. The Bay area is so beautiful (other than the weather)…
You’ve put my thoughts into words… apart from a few selected blogs, I have made good progress as far as switching off is concerned … keeping it to the basic wordprocessing as my attempts to understand twitter yesterday ended up with more questions than answers… who cares anyway?… status updates or none… the energy??? symbiosis on the verge of paratism is more of what it all is… maybe we should start a support group… any shrink in the house?
typo. parasitism not paratism …
Insightful as always!
Me, I ( Please note that Kenyan Verbage
) – I had got to the point where I had convinced myself I couldn’t live without my Blackberry or Laptop or my Favorite TV show etc ( I literally sleep with my BB – it sits on a pillow next to my own pillow!)
Its taken the last few months ( like very last few months) to realize that all that is CRAP – I can do without those – as you saw from my post
And seriously – I doubt I would even have my blog if I was “Home”!
I dont know about everyone else – lakini for me – its like I got an IT moment and realized all these cyber, e-relating has its purpose but needs to have boundaries lest we all end up “fake” and all
– I am rambling, so I will go – hope you get what I am saying – Hehehe!
Hi Kaasa, couldn’t stay away from commenting
The reason I come to this blog is ’cause (a) it was encouraging (at start of year) to find that someone else ‘got’ the desire to belong to a place that lets you be you, that doesn’t force you to choose between wearing/being ‘grey’ or ‘charcoal’ (hope that makes sense); (b) your expression of ideas/concepts/thoughts is very upfront and non-combative. You’re accommodating, but don’t get swayed by the wind of opinion. Regarding the imagined relationships, well, I suppose when one reads a novel/watches a movie/show/play or its sequel, one develops a relationship with the characters. With blogging, the recurrent and prominent character is you, so I imagine readers develop the same kind of virtual or la-la-land relationship.
Bon courage.
Miss Urista says:
“(b) your expression of ideas/concepts/thoughts is very upfront and non-combative…”
Goodness. That doesn’t sound like the Kaasa I know hehehe…
Thank you dear miss. You know I hold you in super high love vibes. All of you my web friends.
You know, when I was talking about ‘imagined relationships’, I was talking about the weird people whose comments you guys don’t get to read….